Study finds differences in financial outlook top marriage killer

LINKAfter 25 years of long-term research on marriage, terri orbuch, a professor at the university of Michigan, found that differences in money values, inability to express love, a tendency to blame or blame others, a lack of effective communication, and dwelling on the past were the top five causes of divorce. Men crave more love than women. Auerbach, with the support of the national institutes of health, tracked 373 newlywed couples in the United States from 1986. By 2012, 46% of the 373 couples had divorced. That’s about the same as the national average. In her research, auerbach found that divorced people often mentioned the five questions, Shanghai private investigators learned. And they said that if they could do it all over again, they would focus on these five areas to try to change. In her study, auerbach was surprised to find that differences in attitudes toward money were important factors in couples’ arLAguments. “Many divorced people say money is the number one cause of conflict in the early stages of marriage.” “Six in 10 said they would no longer share the cost of living with their partner in their next marriage,” orbuch said. She suggests that both partners should review their spending and saving habits and discuss money values with each other early in their marriage. There is no one-size-fits-all concept of money, and every couple should make a financial plan that suits their family and try to stick to it. Another surprising finding was that men are more likely than women to want to be loved, and that love has nothing to do with sex. “Men really want attention from their wives and they want to be unique in their wives’ hearts. It’s completely different from people’s intuition.” Orbuch said men who felt they were not loved enough by their wives were twice as likely to break up than those who regularly feltHT loved by their wives. ‘women are happy and we feel this affirmation from other important people in our lives, from mothers, children, close friends and so on.’ In contrast, men are more likely than women to need validation from their partners, orbuch said. So she suggests that wives spend more time hugging and kissing their husbands, shaking their hands and saying “I love you.” Spend ten minutes a day talking to your partner. “People who are divorced will find it easier to find love if they use ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ or ‘you’ when describing problems in their marriage.” Those who blame their spouse or themselves for the failure of their marriage are more likely to suffer from anxiety, insomnia and depression than those who blame their divorce on intolerance or being too young and inexperienced, orbuch said. If things go wrong in your marriage, she advises, think hard about what’s wrong with your relationship andETH how you can handle it in the future. It’s also easy for many couples to just stick to their point of view instead of actually communicating with their partner, Dr. Orbuch says. She suggests spending 10 minutes a day talking to your partner about something unrelated to your job, marriage, house or children. The key is to show your partner who you really are and learn something from them. “Forty-one percent said they should have changed the way they communicated. And 91 percent of happily married couples say they know their partner very well.” She said. Moving on and not dwelling on the past is also one of the secrets to a happy marriage, according to private detectives. Orbuch also pointed out that for people who have already been divorced, obsessing over an ex-wife or husband can also affect the search for a new relationship. If you can’t handle your anger, try writing a letter to the person who made you angrEOSy, she advises.

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